??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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