So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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