I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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