you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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