I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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