Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
