I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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