I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
