Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
