I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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