Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
