At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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