I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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