Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
