Nicole vs. Life
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
