I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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