I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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