Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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