i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
