Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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