Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
