i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She told me I should be a condom model.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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