i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
