Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
