I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I need moral support for this bender
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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