Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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