The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
