dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
