I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
