So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
