No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
