So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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