the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
