i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I intend to get homeless drunk
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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