What did we do last night that was yellow?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
