Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
