Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
