from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
