So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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