he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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