i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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