I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
