...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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