The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She's the barista slut.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
