one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
