true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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