your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
