It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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