You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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