I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
