What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
