he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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