All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
