my being single is dangerous.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
