I think my fart just growled at me.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
